Dingetje - Dertien Daverende Dingetjes

Label / Cat No: CNR 660 095

First Released: 1981

 

What The Album Blurb Says:

 

Mocht deze LP niet aan uw verwachting voldoen, dan kunt u hem nog altijd als place-mat gebruiken*

 

What I Say...

 

I'm sorry.  I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry.  I go away for a little while.  Well, OK, six years or so, and when I come back you end up with this.  Sorry.  See, I had recorded a pile of these albums back in 2010 so I had a stock of ready made sound files to digest and review.  Completely at random I chose one of those to come back to Forgotten Albums with, and frankly I wouldn't blame you at all if you now took a six-year sabbatical.

 

OK, so, the very first thing you need to know is that Dingetje appears to still be active.  My extensive research (read: quick online search) for every album now includes Spotify, a golden shining opportunity that was not there for me before.  After a quick browse there, the only song there thankfully, is called 'Hetgrotepiemellied'.  Google translate failed me, until I realised the words ran together, and it is in fact called 'Het Grote Piemel Lied' or to save you the trouble, 'Big Willy Song'. This is what we're dealing with here, folks.

 

So, Dingetje means 'little thing' or 'gizmo' or 'thingy' depending on context.  I suspect that he's also making a willy joke here too.  The album title means 'Thirteen Thunderous Thingies', and indeed we have 13 tracks here, but 'Thunderous'?  Crikey, no.

 

Imagine for a moment that we somehow melded all the members of The Barron Knights into a single entity, stuck on a 'comedy' moustache, surgically removed all the talent and humour and then gave him a record deal, then you'd have Thingy.  Send him to Utrecht, and Dingetje would be born.

 

On the very first listen I didn't know what to expect.  It became clear early on that the opening song 'Houtochdiekop' was a version of 'Shaddup Your Face' by everyone's favourite Italian, the Australian Joe Dolce. 'Oh', I thought, 'Taking a novelty song, and opening it up to the domestic market.  That's admirable'.

 

Only it wasn't.  It really wasn't.  Firstly, Dingetje can't sing.  He can talk, he can shout, and he can do 'funny' voices, but he really can't sing.  By the time we get to just the second track 'Met Melk Meer Mans' (With More Milk Man?) I'm ready to cut my own ears off and stuff nettles down the bleeding canal just to avoid listening to any more.  But of course, for you dear reader, I persevered.

 

And what we have is basically an album of either sketches over music, or 'parody' versions of songs that shouldn't be touched - Baggy Trousers, Giddy Up Go, Cocaine In My Brain or *gasp* The Floral Dance.  As I don't speak Dutch, I'm sure a lot of the "comedy" passes me by, but occasionally there are lapses into English which give an insight into the level of humour.  In 'Schipol' for example which closes side one (or Kant 1 as it's labelled - must resist, must resist), he hilariously sings the 'bing bong' of an announcement tone, followed by a series of rip-roaringly amusing announcements.  In one he says "Ladies and Gentlemen, your attention please.  Flight KL644 has landed.  In the Atlantic Ocean".  I'm sure you'll agree, the mirth-meister is on form there...

 

In fairness to Frank (as his mother knew him), he has a very wide repertoire.  He does awful white reggae, awful ska, awful rock and/or roll, awful blues, awful novelty, and so on and so on.  He's not content to ruin just one genre, oh no, iconoclast that he is, he's out to undermine music itself.  Not bad for a boy from Zandvoort.

 

I'm sorry to say that old Gizmo was certainly still active up until at least 2013 according to his YouTube channel, but from what I can make out I don't think he's been a major cultural force since this album was released back in 1981.  We like to think of the Dutch as tolerant, liberal people, but I would strongly urge them to rise up in rebellion against this fiend, and ensure at the very least he never has access to a microphone again.

 

The only YouTube clip I could find that wasn't a) utterly hideous to listen to, and b) full of sexist overtones was his version of 'Shaddup Your Face' which I'm pleased to say has only had 382 views (including mine) in 4 years.  Really, I can only apologise again.  Sorry.

And to cleanse your ears and eyes, the proper version of Baggy Trousers.

Sound Clips (sorry, convention says I must)

Tracks

 

Kant 1

 

1. Houtochdiekop

2. Met Melk Meer Mans

3. Reggae Met Een Rumboon

4. Telefoon Uit Suriname

5. Ik Ga Weg Leen

6. Ik Ben Een Bofkont

7. Schiphol

 

Kant 2

 

1. Klere Zooitje

2. Illegale Joop

3. Henkie

4. Dat Is Blues

5. Ik Ben Vaandeldrager

6. Te Duur

 

*The Album blurb translates as "If this record does not meet your expectations, you can still use it as a place mat".  I know what I'm eating off tonight.

 

Final Score:

 

0 out of 10

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